im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
