i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
