Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
