I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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