yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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