Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
