I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
