Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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