great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
