i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
