Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
