Please, let me fuck your mom
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
