East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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