She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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