I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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