Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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