he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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