If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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