i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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