Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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