11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Drunk is not a location!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize