Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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