Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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