There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
