how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
