There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Still dying that you shit outside
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
