When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
