yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize