official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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