What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize