'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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