Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
