I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
