Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
