I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
