At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
