She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
