It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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