4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
