franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize