Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have post one night stand depression
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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