If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
