So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
