I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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