Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
