i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
