I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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