she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
