Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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