i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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