my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
