I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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