At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
