what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
