tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize