I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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