He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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