but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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