How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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