How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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