I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
