Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
