ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
