I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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