i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
