If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
