I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
